Mashed Potato Smackdown: Bul’ba Belarusian Style

Hey all, Belarusian Eats here with her entry for the mashed potato smackdown!  A little known fact about me: in my previous life, I worked as a linguist.  My master’s in Russian Philology is from Belarusian State University, located in Minsk, Belarus.  If you can find it on a map, chances are you know that it’s also the potato capital of the world.  These people, colloquially referred to as “bul’bashi” (potato heads) consume 180 kilos of potatoes per year – far out-potatoing every other country in the world!  Weeks after I arrived, a carb-shy American, I thought I could never look at another potato.  They were fried, added to soups, boiled, and finally – and most importantly for this little competition – mashed.  I ate them at practically every meal.  The family I lived with had a tradition that kept the humble potato on the table not only every weekday, but on weekends too.  Potatoes would appear at the dinner table every night, and they would appear like clockwork for breakfast every Saturday and Sunday.  Mashed potatoes for breakfast.  I thought it was the weirdest thing ever.  Til I tried it.  It was AWESOME – so much better than oatmeal or cereal.  For a true Belarusian experience, add the side dishes I list below.

For your kartoshka puree (mashed potatoes), you’ll need:

7 medium-sized white potatoes

4 Tbsp. of unsalted butter

1/2 cup of sour cream (full-fat is best)

A funny accent, a fur hat, and a bottle of vodka, a unicycle, and a little dancing bear

Here’s what you do:

Take a swig of vodka and put the fur hat on your head.  Assume the funny accent – think John Malkovich in “Rounders”.  Gesture for the little bear to start dancing while riding the unicycle.  Dice the potatoes into 1/2 inch pieces, throw in a pot, and cover with water.  Add enough salt to make the water salty (read: almost saltwater salty) and bring the potatoes to a boil.  Boil for twenty minutes or so, or until the potatoes are fork-tender.  Drain them, reserving 1/2 cup of the liquid.  Return the potatoes and liquid to the pot.  Add the butter and sour cream.  Mash the crap out of those potatoes – I like mine slightly lumpy, but smash to as smooth a consistency as you like.  Adjust salt and pepper to taste. 

Now, then.  These side dishes make a “bul’ba breakfast” complete. 

Belarusian salad:

1 cucumber

1 tomato

1/2 onion

1 small bunch of parsley

1 small bunch of dill

1/2 cup of sour cream

Salt and pepper

Cut the cucumber, tomato, and onion into a small dice.  Fine mince the dill and parsley, and combine all ingredients with sour cream.  Add salt and pepper to taste.

Fatback

Take a few slices of fatback.  Yes, I said it.  Fat.  Back.  Fry them until they’re crispy and serve them on top of black bread.  Your spread should now include Belarusian-style mashed potatoes, a vegetable salad, and salo – or fatback – that fabled ingredient that so many Slavs crave.  Hope you enjoy it!