Why does a wrestler wear a mask?
Is he disfigured and horrid like Kane?
Is he beautiful and dangerous like Rey Mysterio?
Whatever the reason, masked wrestlers hide their identity at all costs, and being unmasked is the height of humiliation, according to most wrestling scholars. From Lucha Libre London:
Sounds dignified. But we’re more drawn to the humilating aspect of unmasking, here at Fair Food Fight, because the competition we’re up against is so rich, pompous, vain, and outrageous that bringing them down a few pegs is, well, a friggin’ hoot.
Who are we after? Let’s be very clear. Dr. Phil Howard of Michigan State University basically identified for us the rudos, the bad guys, as they’re called in lucha libre — the companies we’re going to be spending a lot of time getting to know on Fair Food Fight. This image in particular is really helpful. Take a look and I think you’ll see what I’m getting at.
See, we’re not mad at corporations. Corporations, in and of themselves, aren’t bad. It’s corporations disguised as Mom and Pop operations that make us want to chew glass, because it’s like pigs and lipsticks all over again. It’s the insulting corporations that hide behind an inane persona — Juan Valdez is an awesome example. He’s not a real farmer even though it would be easy enough to find a real coffee farmer, who actually grows for the company, and tell his story with the amount of money invested in the ridiculous and nearly racist macott of Juan Valdez. (How ’bout the dancing Colombian in his poncho at the above link? Classy.) I’m not even that miffed at the Jolly Green mofo, though I think some of my fellow luchadores wanna throw a frankensteiner on his fat green ass. At least Green Giant knows it’s all ludicrous twaddle, right?
But the organic industry? Just check out organic players marked in green bubbles in Dr. Phil Howard’s chart. It reads like the menu for a dinner-theater production of Hair: Naked Juice, Bear Naked, Seeds of Change, Back to Nature, Tofu Town, Garden of Eatin’, Celestial Seasonings. Groovy, brother! But then look at who actually owns these companies, depicted in yellow bubbles. Pepsi, Kraft, Kellog, and the other usual rudos — but then, at the center, there’s Hain Celestial, which is owned by Heinz and…get ready for the top turnbuckle….Cargill. Yep. It’s certified organic lipstick painted on the Hoary Lord of the Netherworld.
Come on, dude, I hear you saying. Is this a bad thing? Is this really so wrong? Doesn’t corporate involvement broaden and expand organics’ reach?
Heh. Double heh. You think Pepsi gives a flying frankesteiner about organics? You think Kraft is interested in promoting and advancing the organic integrity of the farmers from whom they buy product? The proof is in the pudding. All these green-bubble corporations muscled their way into the Organic Trade Association several years ago, and together, with the OTA’s full complicity, went in and diced up the organic standards to fit their business models — allowing substances and industrial processing aids that were never intended to be part of organic foods.
Oh….organics has been broadened all right. And not just by putting hippie masks on corporate Goliaths, or lengthening market reach. It’s right here, baby. "Rich, chocolaty cookies made with the goodness of organic ingredients." I may never stop wetting my pants with laughter.
Here’s why this infuriates me to no end: I still believe in the organic farmers who are doing it right, I respect them deeply, and I want their hard work rewarded. It’s the unmitigated bullshit of big corporate posers that has to be exposed, so that the good guys aren’t lumped in with the ridiculous.
So, yeah, your friendly neighborhood Fair Food Fight luchadores plan on doing some unmasking in the coming months and years, and we plan to be loud, funny, and very high profile about it. That’s where you come in. We need luchadores, lots of angry, sarcastic luchadores who are willing to help us do some unmasking in a loud, funny, and very high profile fashion. So as soon as your down, fill out a profile so we can contact you when the game’s afoot.
Till then, don’t eat the bullshit, k?
